Sex and money. Doesn't that make you want to read it?

In my last blog, I complained bitterly about the sex pamphlets I was being mailed, especially because they were all concerned with penises, and I was not of the proper sex to appreciate the advice I was getting.

Yet today there appeared in my mailbox another helpful document. It said if I would just swallow Amazing Maximum Power Formula for 30 days, I would have "rock-hard erections for up to 4 hours."

Gee, thanks

Here's another opportunity I declined. It's a bunch of secrets. "The truth must be told," says the author of this offer (or the offer of this author). "There are powerful special interests who spend millions of dollars to keep these secrets from you. Why? So they can make more money."

All you have to do to keep these powerful interests at bay is to buy a book. For only seven dollars. It will teach you:

"How to turn your vacation into a tax deduction."

"How to be a more potent and satisfying lover at age 55 than you were at 25."

"How to locate anyone... anywhere." (Even Judge Crater?)

"How to buy hundreds of products for 65% off."

"Legal way to double the $600,000 estate exemption." (What if you don't have an estate? Or $600,000 dollars?)

"How to teach yourself speed reading in only 20 minutes."

The guy who made these promises (he's not gonna take it any more) is troubled by "dirty little secrets. Let's face it," he writes, "you have been lied to... The powers that be have made a fortune from what you don't know..."

Sometimes, a power that be (be's?) like, for instance, Rod Blagojevich, Governor of Illinois, tries to make a fortune by selling a Senate seat. And even after he's arrested for all kinds of corruption, he sticks to his guns, and goes to his office. "The Governor," said one of his minions, "has no plans to resign."

I myself would like to try that "pay to play" stuff, but I don't have the balls. As I've said , I am not the proper sex.