Limp Balloons

I'm self conscious about writing this (even though I'm more of an every two weeks blogger than an every ten minutes blogger.) Because today, this lady in the New York Times (Alessandra Stanley by name) was offering an opinion of Twitterers, which is the name of a gaggle of journalists who are computer addicts. Apparently, they are anxious to share every moment with their readers, no matter how pointless their messages. "Heading upstairs to the studio" was one message (in total) cited by Ms. Stanley, who surmises that the Twitterers are so eager to be immortalized in print that they will probably be sending messages "until the last follower falls into a coma."

Well, in the words of Bobby Jindal, Governor of Louisiana, "Americans can do anything." He said it over and over in a speech following the President's speech the other night. "Americans can do anything. Americans can do anything." Yeah, that's why we've got cops.

And speaking of cops, I wish they could do something about the Giant Penis, which keeps appearing in print, pictures and all, paid for by a company that wants to sell Big Blue pills. For a while, I thought it was gone. But it's come around again. The Giant Penis. I had hoped to be free of it, and so had my friend Ursie. We believed if we told the world that we were female, and did not care about the girth of anybody's penis, we would surely be scratched from penis brochures, and kicked off the Penis Length Train. But no, it's hufffa chuffing right along.

Today, a brochure arrived, filled with satisfied customers. There's the gent from France who "gained 3.5 inches in penis length." There's the man from Amsterdam who gets "erections on command," and "they're as hard as wood." There are guys from Liverpool and London and Dublin and Berlin and Paris, all singing the praises of the "True Blue" pill.

But peril is just around the corner. Because, isn't it likely that a penis which "increases in girth with each use", will soon be as large as the Hindenberg? And cover the entire face and body of its owner? On the other hand, that's the owner's problem. My own problem is to convince you that this blog isn't simply a piece of trash, but contains some wonderful information that I have just gleaned from the Thorndike-Barnhart dictionary. It's about blimps. A blimp, says Thorndike-Barnhart, is "a small, nonrigid balloon...Apparently, from B limp,designation for 'limp balloon' in early experiments."

Don't say I never tried to teach you anything.